Why We Avoid What We Want (and How to Start Anyway)

August 9, 2025

When the Vision Is Clear but the Steps Feel Steep

You can picture it clearly: the life where you are doing the things that light you up. The guitar resting against the chair is no longer a decoration. The unread text from someone interested in getting to know you is answered instead of lingering in your messages. The résumé on your desktop is updated and sent out instead of sitting untouched. The chapter you have been meaning to write exists and not just in your imagination. The gym bag now sits by the door, no longer gathering dust in your closet.

You imagine yourself playing music, making space for new relationships, sending that application, finishing that chapter, launching that business, and feeling strong in your skin.

You circle it, think about it, and wait for a sign or the “right time” while the gap between what you want and what you are doing stretches wider. And along with it follows guilt, frustration, and the recurring question, Why can’t I move forward with what I want most?

Other Levels of Success

This is not about your ability to achieve. You may have started a practical business to make ends meet, climbed the corporate ladder, or earned the law degree. You might be the person others point to as an example of focus and follow-through. But we are talking about something different here: the hidden dreams and unspoken desires that often get tucked away in the margins of a busy, responsible life. Passions that feel “too indulgent” or “impractical” so they stay locked in your imagination. These are the projects, experiences, and callings that would light up a deeper part of you if you let them breathe.

Real Reasons Why We Delay

Avoidance of big, meaningful goals is rarely about laziness. More often, it is tied to deep-seated beliefs and emotional patterns.

Self-worth doubts
You might believe you are not “ready enough,” “talented enough,” or simply “worthy enough” to have the thing you want. These beliefs convince you to stay where it feels comfortable.

Fear of failure or success
Starting means opening yourself up to the possibility of falling short. If you fail, it seems to confirm your doubts. If you succeed, life will change, and change can be unsettling, especially with the unknown.

The “too late” myth
It is easy to believe the window has closed, that if you did not start in your twenties or “back when you had more time,” it is no longer possible.

Discomfort avoidance
Big visions require effort, learning, and sometimes awkward first steps, which can make one feel vulnerable. The brain naturally prefers what is familiar, even if it is unfulfilling.

How CBT Helps You Break the Pattern

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and offers concrete ways to move forward.

Identify unhelpful thoughts
Notice the exact thought that comes up when you imagine doing the thing. Is it “I will look foolish” or “I will never stick with it”? Naming the thought is the first step to changing it.

Challenge distorted beliefs
Ask yourself: Is this thought based on the facts or fear? If you have succeeded at hard things before, that is proof against the belief that you cannot do it now.

Break the goal into micro-actions
Instead of “learn guitar again,” try “play for five minutes today.” Instead of “get a new job,” try “update my résumé headline.” Instead of “start my business,” try “write down three possible names.” These small wins reduce overwhelm and build momentum.

Commit to micro-action first
Don’t wait for motivation to show up. Choose one small step and do it, even if you feel resistance. Motivation often follows action, not the other way around.

Remember the Hard Things You Have Already Done

Think back to a time when you pushed through fear or doubt: leaving a job, moving to a new city, having a difficult conversation, or learning a skill from scratch. Those moments prove you already know how to step into discomfort and create change. That same resilience is still yours.

Write down one of those past wins. Then ask yourself: What is the very first step I could take today toward my vision?

Making the Leap from Thinking to Doing

Avoidance keeps you in the fantasy stage, where the vision stays perfect yet untouchable. Action brings it into reality. It will be imperfect and sometimes messy, and that is where the beauty of growth lives. Progress will follow. Your future self is not waiting for the “right time.” They are waiting for you to take one small, brave step now.

Journaling Prompt:
What hidden passion or long-held dream have I been circling around instead of starting? What is one micro-action I can take this week that would move it from imagination into motion?

Rooted in truth. Guided by clarity.

Clarity Haus